My Mother wore many hats, in both meanings of the phrase. Daughter, Sister, Wife, Parent, Activist, Lawyer, Consultant, Survivor, Teacher, Faithful, Counselor. And these are just the first that come to mind I saw with my own eyes. For others, she was yet more many awesome, inspiring things. But time, as it does, comes for us all, and it was well known my mother’s health had been in general decline for a while. But even then, she had a dream, and a goal. To leave something behind for her youngest, who had cared for her and others for so long.
Two years ago my mother had kidney failure, and began dialysis treatments. At that point we lived separately, and I stayed with her for a while as she got used to treatment and got in a position for her to mostly care for herself. After about 6 month of that, however, she had a severe complication, and ended up ping ponging between the hospital, rehab, and her home. As a result in February of 2024 I moved in with her full time, in a one room tiny home, caring for her as best I was able given the limited space and remoteness of the location.
In early November of 2024 things turned for the positive, as we managed to close on a house, after well over a year of working on the deal and minus a few hiccups, moved in and were able to enjoy the holidays and new year in our new home. A home that meant so much to her, because she had always personally worried about having little to nothing to leave behind for me, and she considered the house her biggest personal goal, even using it as her focus to get through rehab sessions and dialysis treatments when they were being troublesome.
Then, in the middle of February 2025, mom had to go to the ER in the middle of the night. She had a massive blockage in her intestines. For the better part of two weeks the staff were dealing with it in various ways, and it managed to be resolved. But as a result she was extremely weak, continuing to stay at the hospital for dialysis treatments, short rehab sessions and therapy, generally attempting to regain her footing. She told me and others she intended to fight, rebuild her strength as she had before, and continue on to rehab once more and return home. I’d been up at the hospital with her day in and day out except for a few hours a week I had to give myself to handle self care and important errands.
However, this last Thursday, March 21st, she took a bad turn, began complaining about strong pains and inability to find comfort to rest, eventually by Friday morning she was vomiting minor spells every few minutes, and I almost immediately realized something was very wrong. It reeked of iron and minerals… blood. They took her down for a CT scan in the early afternoon, and within 2 hours they were back up in mom’s hospital room with the news: Mom’s stomach was dead and necrotizing, as was part of her intestine. The only possible surgery would be traumatic on a healthy young person, and the surgeon simply was unwilling to approve it for her, because of her age, heart history, and other ailments. She could have mere hours, maybe a few days, and they recommended her moved to hospice care asap. We made our plans, our peace, and I went home to rest Friday night, an absolute mess.
Overnight, I got the call. Mom had passed away barely 6 hours after I’d left. It was blessedly fast, and with as minimal suffering as possible for her. While personally I now have a massive emotional hole in my life, and a complete upending of my day to day. But it brings others problems as well.
As I said earlier, I have not worked in years, a combination of caring for mom, and other personal and emotional issues I’ve been doing my best to work through. But, it meant mom and I have been using her retirement/social security as our sole income, for both of us. I now live in a house with a shockingly cheap mortgage, and no way to pay the bills in the next month, no way to pay for her cremation, nor any other basic needs. Thankfully all major bills are pretty much accounted for in March, and I have access to our joint bank account.
I was always raised to be as self sufficient as possible. To not ask for help until other possible options were off the table. But there is simply no way, that I can be ready to have the fund for bills and housing and other basic needs within such a short time span, especially while grieving and managing family, friends, a service, and so forth. As such I desperately need to open some kind of fundraising, with the goal of around $5000 USD to cover her services and a month or so of surviving at the house.
My basic plan is simple: if I can get this funding, for her cremation and my own needs for about a month or so, I’ll be able to job hunt for a decent income, and if necessary, I can attempt to rent the two smaller bedrooms. if I can manage that, I should be stable enough on income that I can get my feet properly under myself, while keeping the house that was the one huge thing Mom always wanted: to be able to leave me something when she was gone.
I am grateful for the many friends and family checking in on me and I will provide updates as I move forward.
I am opening this GoFundraiser for the friends, family, and the public to be able to support Mom and I as we both move on to our next phases in life.
Organized by James White
Tyler, TX